I said, “I would never do that.” and my friend nodded and replied, “I agree, me neither.” We smiled at each other while having our Skype call as though ours was the final word on the topic of discussion. We were talking about a conflict of opinion I had with another friend. I always make an attempt to stay in touch, while there are some who don’t. While having this conversation, I said, “I don’t know how he (my friend) cannot stay in touch? Just send a chat or text message or call? It is so much more easier than ever to be connected in today’s day and age. I would never behave so stupidly.”
That night, I laughed at myself thinking about the irony of “being different” yet wanting others to be aligned in the same thinking as ours. I wanted my friend to empathize with my thoughts, since I thought I was right – an he should oblige. I expected him to be in my shoes while I didn’t think of being in his. I wondered why do we often in these situations exclaim, “I would never do that?” As if our word, or our reality, is the ultimate truth. THAT THOUGHT in our heads is the start of all conflicts.
It is as if we are viewing the world from our myopic eyes and have vision for nothing else. Of course, I don’t think that one should devalue one’s personal opinion but it is important to be open about someone else’s opinions and thoughts.
Think about this: have you been through experiences when, you’ve felt that you’ve been wronged? You feel no one listens to your voice at work? Maybe a friend of yours stood you up? Or maybe kept you waiting much longer? Maybe your boss humiliated you (unintentionally) in front of many others? Or you weren’t given the dream position you wanted? Or someone spoke to you really rudely? Perhaps someone didn’t help you out when you were in need? Or someone misunderstood you? These are pretty common denominators to one thing – conflict.
I mean I can go on and on with the list… but that won’t serve us right, right? But you get the gist. We can help ourselves get rid of our own conflicting mentality by adopting strategies to work things out amicably. These six strategic steps would help:
- Consciously take decisions without judgement: It is in our nature to perceive our inner selves to be righteous and to be doing the right thing. We decide on a person’s behavior or action being wrong, since we come from another perspective. Eventually, we compartmentalize our own subjective thoughts as right and wrong to immediately judge another person in our heads. Once you choose to disconnect from the initial point of conflict… to actually question yourself: am I judging too much? Why does it matter to me that the other person should behave the way I do? Do I really need to raise an alarm? Chances are high that you might stop feeling the victim of the situation. Thus, disconnect in the moment, to enable you to be free of judgement while being able to decide on the future statement or action. This avoids any possible internal or external conflict.
- Use honest and firm communication for best results: An honest and firm communication is key for a satisfying relationship whether at work or in personal life. It is no rocket science to know that honest communication, mutual understanding and empathy, can lead to a more agreeable situations. Chances are much higher that a better decision would be made, given the fact that clear circumstances and situations are laid out. A clear communication regarding, what is expected, what is not, what can be achieved together or what cannot be, actually leads a more amicable understanding of persons and team to be able to work together.
- Take control of the situations: Once you know where you are coming from and where the other party stands, it is important for you to take charge of the situation. It doesn’t mean that you try to overpower another person or totally give in. It is actually about giving in your 100% to reason out, logical and well analyzed conclusions. Those conclusions then, will help you and your organization. Your feeling of control over situations may be disturbed if someone evaluates the circumstances differently from you, and particularly if they enforce their understanding upon you, saying what you should or must do or not do. Again, a calm and present mind can steer things in the collaborative right direction. it is also the key to persuasive action.
- Detach yourselves from unsaid expectations: Of course everyone expects emotions, concerns, things and more, but don’t forget point #2, that expectations need to be carefully, honestly and tactfully communicated to the prospective party. Reaction and action in situations have to be aligned in specific way to be able to be able to put your best foot forward. Often people do things in order to get things in back in return, which might not work. Contribute to work, do things for others while not feeling victimized or pressured. While it is definitely courteous to return favors, sometimes it has to be mentioned and negotiated, rather than leaving a trail of unsaid expectations.
- Rationalizing right from wrong opinions: Well, as we know it, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. However, our mind still tries to rationalize other people’s actions and reactions as right from wrong. Rationalization largely occurs when an action is felt to be wrong. We come with years of mental baggage of what we’ve been told is the right way of thinking or the wrong way of behaving. Often we get so consumed by those thoughts that we cannot rationalize the situation beyond our own opinion. It circles back to the first step of freeing yourself from judgement so that you can take control of the situations, in the moment, and avoid any time consuming and no good conflict.
Try using these strategies at work or in your personal life and I’m sure they will work wonders for you. Do you follow something specific for conflict management or resolution? Do write it down in the comments section below. If you get value from it, then do share it.
A unique strategy is coming up in your inbox this week… if you haven’t already signed up then, make sure you sign up here.
Copyright Protected, 2016. http://www.priyankachopraumrigar.com