I’ve heard this statement from so many friends of mine: “how is someone’s life so perfect! They go on perfect vacations, have the perfect families, get the best pictures clicked, wear the best clothes…” and then comes, “their lives are so perfect!” And I look at them in shock. But I must admit I’ve been no saint and I’ve been victim of this toxic comparison too. However, couple of years back, since the realization of this sickness, I’ve cleared up my side of the mess and always appreciated those folks having a good time. AND most importantly, I’ve believed my life to be perfect (and definitely a blessing)!
Now, I’m not just saying this for the heck of it. It is pretty easy
to fall prey to such circumstances. We’ve been fed so much information that we’ve been attuned to a certain thinking. Our minds need mental shifts to hack the growth that we are meant to achieve. Training our minds to reach a higher level of emotional stability or emotional intelligence or emotional quotient as we call it, are the ‘hard skills’ we need to develop. (If you remember my earlier post, Brene Brown too spoke about the same thing though in a different light.)
Being an instructional designer and a coach, I’ve seen many organizations and individuals focus on communications skills, compliance training or just some weird leadership hack.
Organizations and individuals simply believe in “telling” what is to be done, rather than letting people understand “how should” it be done.
Nearly every second person between the age 18-30 that uses Facebook becomes a victim of ENVY and hate. One’s own life just doesn’t feel rewarding enough, while the others seem to have it all. Does this mean that everyone should quit Facebook is and shift to Greenland? Absolutely not! We only need to train our minds into growth mode.
Almost many decisions that we make in our life and even in our work, stem from our emotions. “I FEEL choice A is better than choice B.” Choice B might have triggered some sort of negative emotion, while choice A would have triggered a positive one. It could be an emotion or feeling safety or fear, or an emotion of feeling excitement and happiness to innovate and invent something. We need to have an understanding of our own emotions first, so that we can be fully present, in our capacity for others.
When you think about it and link it to your own life, you will realize that our emotional intelligence is based on motivation, fear, happiness, empathy (rarely used but still there), which solidifies our limitations and strengths. Being in tune with our emotions not only lead us to become better leaders but also be present, emotionally for someone else.
It is simply the concept of understanding, expressing and managing emotions, while maintaining good relations, and clearly, solving problems under pressure. Here are a few ways by which you can enhance your emotional quotient and train for the growth mindset:
- Show gratitude: I will sound like a broken record cause I say this statement almost always on my facebook posts, on my blogs posts, on my instagram account and on my twitter account as well. But it is absolutely true, without any doubt. The moment you start showing gratitude towards others, for smallest of things, to the biggest, you will not only make others feel happy but would make yourself feel abundant and blessed.
- Stop the comparison: The worst thing that anyone can do to themselves is compare their lives to another in any way. People are used to thinking that the grass is greener on the other side and forget to focus on our own grass!
- Stop self pity darling: At the risk of sounding harsh, while propagating empathy, I have to tell you that no one will care if you keep saying “Oh, I do so much and I still don’t get anything in return.” or “My life is pathethic, I’m so unlucky, I never get what I want.” Or any such self-pity statements. You are doing more damage to yourself than you realize. Let’s remember, you are exactly where you need to be and will get better only when you try and make things better for yourself.
- Engage and enhance your skills, everyday: If not everyday, at least once a week you must learn something new, either you read articles (not the stupid ones on Facebook, which talk about someone’s dress tearing or someone’s affair or 10 things to do before you are 30, 40, 50, etc. etc.) NOPE. NUDGE THAT OFF! Read something that actually adds value to your career or your personal life and makes you a better person, such as TE (my blog). 🙂
- Practice makes perfect: It is only with continuous practice can you actually strengthen your emotional intelligence. Keep training your mind just as you would train your body to be fit. Practice facets of emotional intelligence (strategies that I would be emailing today) the way you would practice learning music, or drawing or creating any art. It pays the highest dividends when we master emotion quotient competency skills, over a period of time.
- Make situations win-win for you: We will save so much of our communications time, when we listen more and speak less. We have been given two ears and one mouth for this very reason. To be fully present in our situation, we need to understand the situations (and the person) first and then be understood. No one is born with these skills they can be honed by practice. Especially competencies like assertiveness – the ability to say, what we need to say, when we need to say it – along with, flexibility – the ability to translate from one state to another.
- Empower yourself: Often we give our power in someone else’s hands and expect them to take care of everything. When you take charge of making your own situations better, you would see a change in your surroundings too. Empowering yourself doesn’t mean that you get airs regarding your strengths; rather it means you create a positive situation where you aim for better results, as you enable growth for others as well. As Simon Sinek said, “it increases endorphin and dopamine levels” which leads to your progress.
- Get a coach or a mentor: None of us can do it all ourselves. We need a coach or a mentor or a guide who can enable us to reach our maximum potential. Thinking of doing it ourselves can not only be stressful but also will drain us more. Being a part of a community of learning and giving can enable a more productive growth, at least twice as much than it would be possible, without it.
Now you tell me: Drop into the comments section below or on the facebook page to describe an incident that you might have faced, which asked you to act upon it with high emotional intelligence. What did you do in the situation? How did the situation make you feel? Did you take the right decision? Or think of yourself as an observer and not a participant, who is looking down at the situation from above. What you could have done differently when you faced a situation which was emotional stressful? I would love to hear from you.
Today, I’m emailing 15 emotions which impact you and by which you get impacted, at the workplace and in personal life. Sign up to get the resource, it will help you phenomenally to develop the soft skills you need for a more fulfilling life and better work environment.
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