How to not let other’s opinion of you affect you too much.

One of my friends in the gym (let’s call her Reena) asked me a serious question. When she got to know I was a performance coach, she came running, feeling angst and conflicted and saddened by a situation. She asked me to make her more “approachable as a personality.”

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I was surprised by this and said, why does she think she isn’t approachable? I found her to be pretty straighforward. She said, not that she truly cared about what people thought about her… but it did matter to her that the others shouldn’t feel intimidated. Reena felt that a lot of people found her either daunting or even irritating. She looked quite approachable to me and personally, I felt we were quite alike (and I know I’m pretty approachable, so to say).

I’ve known her for a while and I see Reena as a strong and motivated individual. She is intelligent, courageous and driven to get results. She has been brutally honest, always consciously looked at the bright side of things, she had firm respect for herself, personal ethics and courtesies, just as I did. She gave the benefit of doubt wherever necessary and chose to not get involved in the “drama” or conflict too much, unless, she could turn it into something positively creative (more on that later). She loved to stick around with people who emitted a positive vibe and sort of detached herself from those who didn’t. She was quite introspective and loved to grow. She was always direct and to the point (personally, the kind of people I like as part of my tribe). When she approached me with her concern thinking that something was perhaps wrong with her… because people might be getting intimidated… I looked her in the eye and I said, really, is that what you think…? Does it really matter what the

Continue reading “How to not let other’s opinion of you affect you too much.”

Excuses: Why do we make them… and aren’t we better than that?

As a coach, the primary purpose of my work is to help my clients reach their goals (no matter what they are). Actually, honestly, that is my ONLY goal. I have to help every individual who comes to me: First, to get clear about what do they truly want; second, analyze the most authentic ways, by which they can achieve their goals. Third, then help them take action to actually do the work. The latter is the toughest part but that’s what gets them the results.

Young man in front of blackboard

Recently, while interacting with a potential client of mine, I realized that she was resisting everything in her life and making excuses to show why things aren’t working in any sphere. She was rapidly gaining weight, was unable to keep herself happy, didn’t want to go to work and kept blaming others, would always come late for any events and always have an excuse ready for any kind of situation. She started getting perceived as someone negative, ingenuine and dishonest too. She was becoming a holistic package of excuses. She was making excuses, thinking that she would be liked by someone else. She also felt that she will easily get by, without putting any effort into her work, personal life and even relationships. She couldn’t come to terms that her excuses weren’t taking her anywhere and were making her quite pessimistic. Eventually, making her feel that she wasn’t “good enough”.

We’ve all been in the above situation some time or another, have we not? We know that these excuses are nothing else but forms of resistance to change from our lizard brain. We somewhat start getting solace in our negatives. It is as though we don’t want to take ownership. So we make an excuse for not being able to keep up with a diet because we might be sick; or not going to the gym, or an excuse for not completing a project you’d committed to; or an excuse for canceling a meetup; or just being late; or an excuse for not reaching your targets… you get the gist, right?

 

Excuses are largely a way of telling Continue reading “Excuses: Why do we make them… and aren’t we better than that?”

Actions that you can take NOW, to be your happiest self.

Throughout my late teens and early twenties, I felt like I was my saddest self. I often felt depressed, didn’t enjoy life, didn’t know how to have fun or even live in the moment. I was conflicted between the past and the future. It was as though being sad and unhappy was a better way to live. Sometimes, I would whine and complain… I felt moody, easily irritated, felt like crying often. I was neither fun, nor did I know the IDEA of fun. I felt like I didn’t have the permission to have a good time. I was anxious and not so productive, too. To add to it, my multi-aspirational and over-ambitious attitude didn’t really help. In fact, I was almost always overwhelmed, irritated and moody. Most of my reactions came from an emotional baggage of the past, however, it soon dawned upon me that if I didn’t take action now, I’d never change my situations.

A few years back, I took it upon myself to make a few conscious choices, to retrain my brain. It was years of baggage that I had to get rid of but I had to start somewhere, immediately. External factors play a huge role in shaping us. However, we can’t control the situations around us but only our own emotions.

I overcome every obstacle with a smile on my face

What I can take charge of, right now, is my own situations. The smaller steps that I take today, can help me shape more positive environment. You know, they say,¬† Continue reading “Actions that you can take NOW, to be your happiest self.”

The art of committing to the present moment.

The struggle is real! We’re either living in the past or the future. What happens NOW? It has been my personal journey to consciously choose to live every moment to the best of my ability. Trust me, it has not been easy for me. I’ve always been overly ambitious, multi-aspirational (while being good at all of them) and driven. But, I can say that this trait, even though seemed like a boon, was actually a bane. It constantly made me worry about my future, I never enjoyed the present moment and would more often ponder over my past mistakes. It isn’t the ideal life, right? As Steven Pressfield calls it, this behavior is just resistance showing up. It is a way to procrastinate the things that I wanted to do.

Confident female designer working on a digital tablet in red

As mentioned in the last blog of mine, the impermanence of life hit me hard when my mother in law passed away. In that month, when I was in mourning, I still had professional (coaching and ID clients) and academic commitments¬†(my ongoing doctorate). I didn’t feel like doing anything. I felt drained and literally had no energy or capacity to work. But I had no option! When things have to be done, they get done! The energy then comes from within, even if it means I need to stay up till 4 in the morning. It took me a while to understand that all I can do is live in the moment and churn out the things, one at a time.

So, when one of my clients asked me that how do I commit to tasks, stay true all that I do… still eat clean, still deliver the work and academic projects, stay calm in tough situations and genuinely commit to people… I knew I had to write this post!

One thing is for sure, it all seems tough until Continue reading “The art of committing to the present moment.”